OPEN
My personality lends to me wanting to be in control all the
time. I like to know what is going on, when it is going on and I don’t
like to be told what to do, but I do like to tell other people what to do.
I mean, I have a job that controls the intricate details of
someone else’s professional life...where they are going and for how long, when
they have to be there, when they have to depart (I even track them in the air),
where they are staying, who is picking them up, what their meals are...when
they will be and who they are with, what money they are receiving and how they
are getting paid, what product they are selling, ...you name it I control it.
Some of you may know that I not only work for the church, but I am Robby
Dawkins full time Booking Manager and Personal Assistant. (PICTURE)
This is nothing new for me, and my family will tell you
I have been like this since I was a little girl, so much so I would tell
my brother and my sisters, and sometimes my parents this phrase, “Your not my
boss”. This four letter statement has followed me around for the last 40
years and it has actually become a family joke.
I even gained the nickname from some of my closest friends in college as
“boss”. Some might think this just self - confidence, but in reality I just
don’t like feeling out of control.
BUT...Can anyone else relate to the
feeling of wanting to be in control of all things at all times, and wanting to
control the actions of others to the default that it might gain you some
unfavorable nicknames? I
mean the the nickname “boss” has stuck in my life, and sometimes I can laugh
about it and sometimes I know that it really applies in my relationships with
others. Has your desire to be in control harmed your relationships? Is
there situation in your life where you can think, my issue with control might
have been the final breaking point for that relationship? If we all really think about this I am sure
that all of us can come up with one or even more, instances where our
relationships with others might have been harmed in some way or another by the
fear of not being in control.
If you did not know and are just joining us
for the first time, we are in a series entitled “Rooted: Deep Relationships in
a Shallow World” Over the last 2 weeks we have
begun to dig up things in our lives that get “rooted” in our thinking and
behavior, which results in an unhealthy view of whose we are and who we are
found in. The first week Di launched the series and talked about being
rooted in Jesus’ death and what that looks like... and being rooted in Jesus’
life... and what that looks like. Being rooted in Jesus’ DEATH AND LIFE will
inevitably bear amazing fruit! But if we’re not stewarding and nurturing it
well, there will be some weeds that begin to grow...
Last we Clay talked about the root of
competitiveness and how when we start to compare ourselves to others inside the
church and outside the church. This “weed” can derail relationships and rob of
us from seeing our destiny as well others destiny.
Actually all the weeds we are going to talk
about through this series will suck the life out of our fruitfulness as a son
or daughter, if we’re not careful! All these weeds will contaminate your life
in Christ and eventually rob you of your joy, rob you of your peace, and
rob you of realizing your destiny in Christ!
This week I get to look at the root of
control. The word control has so many meanings when you look it up in
Webster's dictionary. It can be used as a noun, a verb, and it has synonyms
that mean power, authority, dominance and domination.
A lot of us have given into
the illusion that we CAN and NEED to control things and situations around us,
because it keeps us in the know and helps us feel protected. That illusion
comes down to the word fear...Fear is a huge stronghold that satan uses to
actually control us. You see, he tells us that if we control things, the
people and the situations around us, we can protect ourselves from what might
happen. Some of you might even thrive off of feeling “in control”. I know I struggle myself with wanting to feel
in control of others decisions and situations.
There have been times in my life were I want
to control what my friends are doing, especially if I know the decision they
are about to make is harmful to them or others in their lives. But, actually
control is very unhealthy and can be based off of law based thinking,
especially if you have the wrong paradigm about the word to begin with.
Pray
Jesus is a great example of knowing who he is and showed us
how he partnered with the Father to operate in his relationships on earth.
Jesus is not only an example for us, He is an example of us. This is how
we live and love, as humans filled with God’s Presence. Remember he was fully human, but at the same
time He could have chose to control people's actions and situations, but he
didn’t because that is not and never has been heaven’s perspective on
relationships. So is God in control, or is he
in charge..?
We all know Jesus had a group of 12 that he did life with on
a daily basis...these were the guys that he ate with, laughed with, prayed
with, walked with, and sat around the fire to talk about life’s deepest
questions with. He let them into his inner circle, his own personal
space, and just like a lot of close relationships there was tensions
sometimes. You see Jesus was the leader,
in charge of the 12, but he realized early on that it was not his job to
control the 12.
Let me give you some examples:
- He let Peter deny him - 3 times
- Clay
talked about this last week. Jesus let Peter deny him, so he could
restore him. You see Jesus could have controlled Peter’s behavior by
placing his own fear on Peter, but Jesus doesn’t live from a place of
fear so he had no reason to try and control what Peter was going to do.
Jesus instead takes the opportunity to restore Peter back to a
place of identity in Him, which is a son.
- He let Thomas doubt -
.
Thomas
wasn’t originally there when Jesus appeared to the other disciples after his
resurrection, so he didn’t believe them when they said they saw Jesus. Thomas
said that he wanted to touch Jesus wounds in order to believe..so when Jesus
finally appeared to Thomas, he gently went to Thomas, and let him touch the
wounds so he could believe. Jesus didn’t yell at Thomas for doubting or call
him names for not believing, he didn’t even try to control his unbelief..he let
Thomas experience the proof for himself.
You see Jesus knew that LOVE
was more important than control, and he knew that freedom was more
important than restricting his closest friends choices.
We are going to be in Matthew 26 this morning. To look
at how Jesus’ led without fear of being in control of other people's
actions..and one of those people is Judas.
Most of us know the story of Judas’ betrayal... Jesus let
the most devious disciple be in charge of the offering, knowing he was a thief
that would eventually betray him.
Just to give you some background of what was going on...From
the very beginning Jesus predicts, and talks about his death and resurrection
to his disciples.
But it all had to start somewhere...
and it all began with a plot to kill Jesus by the Religious
leaders. Caiaphas was the ruling high priest during Jesus’ ministry and he was
the first to recommend Jesus’ death in order to “save” the nation.
Without this plot, there would have been no grounds based on popular
opinion to execute him. In fact, because of Jesus’ popularity, the religious
leaders were afraid to arrest him during the Passover. They also did not want to incite a riot among
the people. So they needed someone on the inside, and Judas was their man.
Lets pick up in Matthew 26:14
Matthew 26:14-16 New Living Translation (NLT)
Judas
Agrees to Betray Jesus
14 Then Judas Iscariot, one of the twelve
disciples, went to the leading priests 15 and asked, “How much will you
pay me to betray Jesus to you?” And they gave him thirty pieces of silver. 16
From that time on, Judas began looking for an opportunity to betray Jesus.
There is something that is really important in this passage
that most of us miss...Judas was given 30 pieces of silver to betray Jesus,
which during that time was the going price of a slave. He was not only
greedy and under the control of money, but now he is under the control of the
religious leaders. Judas may have realized that Jesus’ Kingdom was not physical
or political but spiritual so he had this illusion that if he betrayed Jesus,
he would obtain the political status he wanted, so he had to control the
situation. Also, his status could not be realized if he followed Jesus, so he had
no other choice. You see, Judas was living out of fear of not being in control,
so he felt that he needed to gain control of the situation quickly. And
the religious leaders were quick to lend a helping hand.
Matthew 26 goes on to walk us through the events that lead
up to the night Jesus was betrayed...the Last Supper where he shares an
intimate meal with his closest friends, and where he actually calls Judas
betrayal out. Then it goes on with Jesus predicting Peter’s denial and Peter
insisting that he would never deny Jesus. The trip to the Garden of
Gethsemane where Jesus asked his friends to go pray with Him and they all fell
asleep.
Think about personal sacrifice and
resolve it must have taken for Jesus to let his closest friends do the things
they did…remember
Jesus is operating as a human, filled with the spirit, just like us! I know
some of you are thinking this very thing right now, “well that is Jesus and He
is God”, BUT Jesus is an example OF us. And in this series, we are
showing how we can LOVE like Jesus because He is an example of us...and He knew
LOVE is more important than control.
Let’s pick up again in Matthew 26:50 to see what happens in
the Gethsemane when Judas comes with the mob to arrest Jesus:
Matthew 26:47-54 New Living Translation (NLT)
Jesus Is Betrayed and Arrested
Jesus Is Betrayed and Arrested
50 Jesus said, “My friend, go ahead and do
what you have come for.” Jesus could have
controlled Judas’s decision in this moment...but he didn’t he let Judas make
his choice even though it meant death...
Then the others grabbed Jesus and arrested
him. 51 But one of the men with Jesus pulled out his sword and struck
the high priest’s slave, slashing off his ear.
52 “Put away your sword,” Jesus told him.
“Those who use the sword will die by the sword. 53 Don’t you realize
that I could ask my Father for thousands[a] of angels
to protect us, and he would send them instantly? 54 But if I did, how
would the Scriptures be fulfilled that describe what must happen now?”
Wow...Did you catch what Jesus said in vs. 53 and 54?
53 Don’t you realize that I could ask my
Father for thousands[a] of angels
to protect us, and he would send them instantly? 54 But if I did,
how would the Scriptures be fulfilled that describe what must happen now?”
All at the same time Jesus knew his divinity and his identity,
and because he humbled himself in obedience to
God...Jesus was able to access his true destiny… and give us a great
example of how to partner with the Father in order to not control situations,
but to allow it to happen. In this moment, Jesus demonstrated perfect
commitment to his Father’s will.
Ok..You ask how do we partner with the Father to walk out
our destiny?
Paul wrote to the Galatians very extensively
about the fact that we are a people called to walk in freedom and love through
the Holy Spirit, because we have become new creations through Jesus death and
resurrection. You see this idea is not new, it just seems that we have a
difficult time catching onto it, just like the people in Galatians did.
Let’s look at what Galatians 4:1-7, says about
this process…
Galatians 4:1-7 The Message (MSG)
4 1-3 Let
me show you the implications of this. As long as the heir is a minor, he has no
advantage over the slave. Though legally he owns the entire inheritance, he is
subject to tutors and administrators until whatever date the father has set for
emancipation. That is the way it is with us: When we were minors, we were just
like slaves ordered around by simple instructions (the tutors and
administrators of this world), with no say in the conduct of our own lives.
4-7 But
when the time arrived that was set by God the Father, God sent his Son, born
among us of a woman, born under the conditions of the law so that he might
redeem those of us who have been kidnapped by the law. Thus we have been set
free to experience our rightful heritage. You can tell for sure that you are
now fully adopted as his own children because God sent the Spirit of his Son
into our lives crying out, “Papa! Father!” Doesn’t that privilege of intimate
conversation with God make it plain that you are not a slave, but a child? And
if you are a child, you’re also an heir, with complete access to the
inheritance.
You see we are no longer
slaves under the control of someone else, but sons and daughters! Let me say this
again, we are no longer slaves, but sons and daughters and our context of life has
moved from needing masters (external controls) to us being powerful, free
children. You see God never intended to see his children under someone
else’s control, because in the “real world” of
the Kingdom, sons and daughters of God are expected to be free; they
understand why they are free, and they exercise their freedom towards its
purpose, which is LOVE.
You see I think most of us have this illusion
of God, that he is in control and that he sets the rules, and to answer the
question I asked earlier... he is not in control,
he is in charge. God did not enslave you when you said yes to him, he
set you FREE!
Think about Adam and Eve in the garden, that
place had choices, and yet God didn’t try to control their choices, but he did
have expectations for them, which makes him in charge. He wanted relationship
with Adam and Eve, and that is his heart for us too. This is a change in
thinking for some of you. You see, as a new creation we move from slave
to son, so we can have a relational view of God. And when we have this
relational view of God we realize that he actually gives us choice vs. trying
to control us.
So how do we as free children live out our purpose of love
and not control?
Well, parenting 5 kids with very different personalities results
in a real life control struggle everyday…. and as I stated earlier I am the
“boss”, just kidding! There are a lot of things I want to control in my kids
life, and of course it is because I want to protect them from the big, bad
world, right?
- How much time are they spending on their phones and
digital devices? What are they looking at on those devices?
a.
School
laptops, phone...how do we trust our kids to make good choices without
controlling their decisions. Real Talk with your kids...
- Who are their friends - are they good or bad
influences?
.
Encourage
them to remember they can only make their own choices and not control the
choices of their friends or peers. Are they leading themselves so they
can lead others
- How are they treat their siblings? Do they share
responsibilities with them?
.
Are
they treating others the way they want to be treated - “ the golden rule”.
Honor...
Oh my goodness the list can go on and on...Can anyone else
relate?
You see when we begin to live in this place, the one that
says I can control every situation and know all things, and because I am in
control, life will be just the way it should be and those around me will behave
just the way I want them to. This is when we begin to believe the illusion that
control helps us function and then we start letting those roots go deep. In
essence, control is driven by fear, and fear drives us to want to control
everything because there is fear of something going wrong or ourselves getting
hurt… CONTROL BECOMES A DEFENSE MECHANISM.
Let’s look back at Judas again he wanted to control his own
life and destiny… and this root went so deep that he actually ends up taking
his own life. Judas tried to control out of fear...so what are you afraid
of that you want to try and control that situation?
The very root control (which is a root of fear) is the one
that shifts our paradigm view of the Father, too. The one that says God is in
charge and I have to “behave” or he will be mad at me, and I don’t want to
experience his wrath. But God is not in
control, he is in charge…
You see all healthy relationships are built on mutual love
and respect, and when we have a healthy understanding of who we are (sons and
daughters), we can begin to see how God sees us, he doesn’t see something
to control, he sees someone he can partner with. He wants to
partner with you, because he wants relationship with you!
I want my kids to know that Adam and I are in charge, not in
control of their choices. And you will actually here my kids say this, mom and
dad are in charge..BUT they know they have choices and they are the only ones
who can control their choices. Adam and I want to partner with them...not
control their choices. The fact is that
when we live in an environment of love and acceptance, and apply God’s
unconditional love to others 100 percent of the time, we won’t feel like we
need to control them.
Why don't we want to control them… because when we partner
with the Holy Spirit and develop his Fruits of the Spirit in us (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness,
faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control), we begin to model what
Jesus did with the people in his life…
I want my kids to know they have freedom in our relationship
and that they can make choices, even if they are choices that might have
consequences. This idea is not an earthly one, but a heavenly one, and just
like when our heavenly Father, (who is GOOD) corrects and disciplines us
(when needed), I want to do it in LOVE. (HEBREWS
12:5-10)
This just doesn’t have to be about parenting...it can be
about any relationship. What about your current relationships, are there any in
your life right now where you need to practice a little more self-control and
less control? Are there people in your world, friends, co-workers,
spouse, parent...that if you could just control their choices their life would
be so much better for you and for even them?
You see Jesus knew that LOVE
was more important than control, and he knew that freedom was more
important than restricting his disciples choices. What if we all operated
from the same place…a place of freedom from other people's choices.
- Imagine if we all stayed rooted to what the Father says
about us? How would this change your current relationships?
a.
We would actually begin to trust others to their own lives and
choices...and offer freedom because we see them as the Father sees us. It
doesn’t mean that we will always agree with their decisions, but it allows us
to operate from a place of self-control, which results in us operating from a
place of love.
2.
Imagine if we did not need anything from those around us and
only got our worth from the Father and what he says about us?
a.
Because what he says about us is all that matters. You are no
longer a slave, but free. The Father sees you as his son, or his daughter
and your worth should not be dependent on what you are controlling or not
controlling.
3.
Imagine the stress/anxiety that would leave our lives if we no
longer needed to affect other people's decisions and those decisions in turn
affecting us.
a.
Have you ever realized that when you take on the stress of
others and their decisions, it actually affects your mood and disposition, and
then it affects the mood of others around you… the ripple effect is astounding?
I see this all the time in my own life, and when this happens I need to come
back to the place of who I am in Jesus and remind myself that their decisions
should not dictate my reality.
When we are rooted in the death and life of
Jesus and partner with the Holy Spirit through the process, we won’t want to
control others decisions, because we are to busy encouraging them instead.
We are also to busy seeing them how God sees them even though they might
not be making the right choices.
So here is my action step for you this
week…Who do I or what relationship needs to release in my life to allow God to
come in? Surrender yourself to the Father in order to release His
love into your relationships and see how God begins to work through you, as you
honor and encourage those around you. You will be amazed at what happens and
you will watch those relationships change and grow.
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